Cowgirl Grit

Dogs are guardian angels of the human spirit – unconditional Love. It does not matter if you live in a mansion or a cardboard box, a dog will never judge and love unconditionally. I am so blessed to have such companionship … ~ Unknown ~

Joshua knew how much I wanted a dog and how much I hated to be by myself during his deployment. I would semi drop hints here and there but, really knew how much he did not want an animal in the house (due to the drooling and the hair). Then, one day out of the blue… I was Skyping with Joshua when he said, “so, I have been looking up breeds of dogs that I think will be conducive to our living arrangements.” (yes, he truly did talk like this).

I was so shocked at the moment and excited at the same time I said,”wow, really babe? A dog? … oh I am so excited, I really want a black lab and I want to name him this and that…” I was going on and on and on when he said,”oh no, labs are huge and they shed, and they drool. I was thinking of something a little smaller (like 10lbs or less), but something that the sexy ladies would want to walk up to me and pet the dog and wanna talk to me…” – I therefore, had to kid with him and said,”do you really want a dog or do you just want ‘sexy’ ladies to pay attention to you, because you’re a long-lost married man now?” He just shook his head and laughed at me… that was when he said he wanted a poodle. Yes ladies, a poodle — but, not just any poodle. One of those rare bred kind of poodles that just stand there, they don’t bark and they don’t shed. OH, and they don’t get on the furniture or ANYTHING. As Joshua was explaining this “poodle” concept to me, I started laughing and said, “babe, either you want a stuffed animal to look real or you are wanting to make your guy friends laugh really hard. I can see you now in your uniform walking this tiny ass poodle, that is the size of a tennis ball. And I am afraid to tell you, I don’t think sexy ladies are going to come and talk to you… that would be the less masculine men, who want to be more than a friend.”

As the time passed, Joshua and I really discussed it and came to an agreement that it could reach up to 20 pounds (I was pushing for more on the lines of 30+) and I would work very hard in training the dog to not get on the furniture, etc. I was really impressed with Joshua on how much of his “OCD” he was giving up to give me what I really wanted… On the same note, Joshua loved to watch my face light up talking about a dog and all the things we could do and all the research I was doing for military travel, etc. and trying to make sure his expectations were met as well.

I had my heart set on a black lab named Harley. Why? I don’t know, that’s just what I had in my brain that I wanted and FINALLY, FINALLY I had convinced Joshua of a breeder, the blood line, training, the works. I promised him I would do my best on my end of the bargain. I can still remember that huge smile and the “I love you’s” when I would tell him my plan and of course backed it up with the research. After much discussion, research, and everything else… Joshua finally told me that we would go to some breeders during his R&R and get me (our) dog to start training. Well, we know how this part of the story goes.

***

About a month after Joshua died, I was sitting at work and I remember having some weird thought going through my head that I needed to stop by the animal shelter on my way home from Winston. So, I did. I walked in and said, I am looking to adopt and would really like a black lab or black lab mix of some sort… and with a stroke of luck, there was a new litter of black lab pups! As the lady was walking me by all the dogs, I would stop and talk to some of them to see their reactions. When the lady stopped at the litter and was about to hand me a pup, was when I saw this brown mutt with big ears and huge chocolate eyes peaking around the corner. Brave, quiet, and a very concerned look on his face while looking at me.

I just froze. I said, “ma’am, can I see this one?” and she said, “of course, I am going to warn you though, he doesn’t like to be handled and is a little out of control.” I told her that was fine and that I would like to spend some time with him in the play area. This little dog bravely walked out of his kennel (no leash) and to the play pen. I just stood there and looked at him, a broken woman standing in the middle of a humane society looking for a sign from God that everything was going to be OK. As I was standing there thinking to myself, “I can’t do this, I can’t have a dog… what the hell am I going to do? this is a mistake.” as I turned around to leave… the little mutt walked up to me with a ball in his mouth and started pawing at my leg. I just stood there and looked at him, then I sat down and started to cry…. he put his paw on my face and that was when I saw it… he had soulful eyes, eyes like Joshua that had so much love to offer that it was overwhelming. I just grabbed him and hugged him. The woman came around the corner and started to cry… she said that she never saw him like this before and that it was amazing to see how loving he was being. The mutt and I hugged and played for an hour. That was the moment I knew I wanted him.

I picked Cooper Hero Lawrence up on November 11, 2011, Veterans Day. After a few puppy mistakes, some cuss words and I think I was about to lose my religion, we came to a “living” agreement and became the best of friends. Cooper Hero has been amazing since we finally figured things out. But, this really isn’t where our relationship and meaning started. It was right before my birthday in December. I was having a really hard time trying to get my life, thoughts and anything else together that I could think of. I couldn’t eat, exercise or do anything that I loved. All I knew is that at that moment my life had ended. There was no reason to wake up in the mornings, there was no reason to feel the sunshine on my face or breathe another minute. I remember sitting and thinking, “I can’t do this anymore” – so I went into the kitchen took out some medication and some liquor — this was it. I just couldn’t do it anymore…

As I poured me a glass, I remember my legs giving out and was on the kitchen floor crying, wailing for Joshua to come home. I cried so hard, I had no physical strength. I was laying on the cold, hard kitchen floor just praying for the strength to end everything, end the pain. As I was trying to sit up, I looked up…. Cooper Hero was crawling on his stomach to me… crying. I just stopped everything I was doing and sat there. When he got to me, he placed his head under my chin, shaking and just sat there until I held him. At that moment, I knew I had a purpose, I had a reason to wake up in the mornings… it was Joshua telling me to pick myself up, take the dog for a walk and feel the sunshine on your face.

Cooper Hero isn’t just a dog, he is my saving grace from God with four paws and fur. Cooper has been such a blessing to me, not just for that day… but, he is reason for me to make my home a home, a reason to come home from work and even bigger reason to take care of myself first, so I can take care of him. God sends so many weird and amazing signs in your life to realize what your full potential and meaning is. I may not exactly have everything figured out… But, I do know that I am thankful beyond words for my four-legged angel — who, by the way is spoiled to the bone (and sleeps in my bed… Joshua is cussing me for this one).

Cooper Hero just isn’t a dog… he is my four-legged angel.

Love, B